u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
