At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
