Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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