So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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