Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
