med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
