I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i've created a new STD.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
