i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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