Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
