but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
