I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I cut my penus on the lid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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