Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
