I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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