I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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