I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
