If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
