Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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