I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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