I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
two words...techno handjob
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
