Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We're too hungover to prance.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
