If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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