i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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