i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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