Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
