If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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