Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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