I saw his package. It spoke to me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
