Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
