He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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