The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
