Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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