Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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