My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will pee on everything he values.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
