just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
