If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
