The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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