Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
