My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
