Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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