Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
