I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
