I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
