We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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