god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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