You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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