just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
