I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
