If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
