She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
