guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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